You simply must get it!

So said someone to me the other day when we were discussing sex toys. She was referring to a clitoral stimulator she had.

The phrasing amused me. Made me think of Jane Austen and the parody Pride and Promiscuity: The lost sex scenes of Jane Austen.

I imagine a discussion between Charlotte and Lizzie. It takes place at the home of Charlotte and Mr Collins and Lizzie has just turned down Mr Darcy's proposal.

"But Lizzie," implored Charlotte. "Surely you understand that someone who professes to love you so much would be willing to do anything..." she broke off, her voice cracked with emotion.

Elizabeth looked at her in concern. "Charlotte? Are you unwell?"

"No, quite well. What I mean to say is, Mr Darcy would do anything to ensure your comfort and pleasure. In all areas of your life."

Lizzie studied the look on Charlotte's face. "I believe I understand what you are trying to say. Does Mr Collins not ... comfort you as you would like?"

Charlotte's face relaxed in relief at being understood. "I'm afraid not. However," she stopped, looked around and stood, gesturing for Lizzie to follow her. They went upstairs to Charlotte's bedchamber.

Charlotte closed the door gently, walked over to the bureau and slid open one of the drawers. She reached in and pulled out a medium sized velvet covered box. Intrigued, Lizzie walked and stood by her side.

Charlotte opened the box. Inside was a smallish object. Lizzie looked at Charlotte's flushed face. "What is it?" she inquired.

"It's a clit stimulator," replied Charlotte.

Lizzie's breath caught. A clit stimulator! As she understood it, Lord Byron recommended them highly but she never thought she would ever see one, particularly in the hands of her good friend. "Where did you get it?"

"Would you believe Lady Catherine suggested it?"

"No!"

"Not long after we were wed, she invited me to visit her alone at Rosings. It was there that she informed me she was well aware of what William's failings would be and that it would never occur to him that a woman's needs are just as important as a man's. She then recommended one of these. 'You simply must get it!' she said."

"Oh my goodness. Lady Catherine? Who would have imagined?"

Charlotte studied her friend's face. Apparently satisfied with what she saw, she turned back to the open drawer and seconds later presented Lizzie with an identical box. "Here," she said. "I bought this as a gift for you when you turned one-and-twenty, but I would like you to have it now."

"Oh my," whispered Elizabeth. "Thank you. I ..." She stopped when they heard the front door close and a voice call out, "Charlotte my dear, where are you?"

Charlotte rolled her eyes and called back, "I'll be down in a moment my love." She looked affectionately at Lizzie, "Am I to assume there will be one less person at supper tonight?"

Lizzie grinned. "A late supper for me perhaps. I think I need to acquaint myself with my new gift."

They giggled softly and walked back into the hall. Charlotte descended the stairs to see what had Mr Collins all worked up while Elizabeth headed to her bedroom to examine her gift in private.


UPDATE:

To prevent confusion, I must clarify that I wrote the above "lost scene" myself. It's not a quote from Pride and Promiscuity. Although, if I recall correctly, there is one in there involving Mr and Mrs Collins...

Letter writing

I've been thinking the past few days about letter writing.

While I'm a massive fan of email, text, and MSN* to me nothing beats writing and receiving letters.

Letters show that someone has actually taken the time to sit down with a pen and paper and consider what they want to tell you. It makes it more meaningful.

Let's face it. If someone you care about sends you a letter, you're more likely to keep it and reread it than if they were to send you an email with the exact same information. Well, I am. Something to do with being a tactual and overly sentimental person no doubt. Even printing emails out to keep doesn't evoke the same feelings that a letter does.

The best letters are the ones that someone has written over a period of time. Like a mini diary. They are the ones I tend to keep. I have shoeboxes full of letters that have been written to me in this manner. It's also how I prefer to write. Rather than sitting down, struggling to think to get something down and out, you can take your time. Sure, they can end up being rather random and sometimes you may digress into mundane things but you know what? Unless they're totally narcissistic, people generally like hearing about other people's lives, even some of the mundane stuff.

I could talk about the lost art of letter writing, but I'd just be going over the same stuff people have covered before.

Sadly, I am guilty of pretty much completely killing off my own letter writing. I can trace that back to February last year - when I started the blog. Why write letters when you can send a link to the blog? Still, it's not the same. I'm going to make more of an effort to write letters to people from now on.



*I'm not a huge telephone person. Don't get me wrong, I have been known to spend hours on the phone in conversation with someone, but my preferred method of communication (if not face to face) is in writing. I suspect it just stems from my love of reading and writing.

Secret Diary of a Call Girl

So before you get too excited it's a television show, not my secret life.

Billie Piper as you've never seen her. She plays Belle, a London call girl. The show is based on the book by Belle de Jour (and the blog) Intimate Adventures of a London Call Girl.

Obviously, with the subject matter the show is heavy on the sex but not as heavy as you would expect. Ultimately it is a drama chronicling the professional and private life of Hannah aka Belle. It covers such subjects as sex parties, threesomes and BDSM. Woven through is Hannah struggling with her best friend's acceptance of what she does for a living and the solitary life that she has both by choice and as a form of self-preservation.

Was it any good? Yes. Yes it was. Apparently a second series is currently in production and a third is to be made once Piper gives birth. Piper herself is also quite good. Probably the best I've ever seen her and obviously a far cry from the girl who sang "Honey to the B".

Who you gonna call?

The Dark Knight

What can I say? I loved this film. This movie was made fantastic by Heath Ledger's portrayal of the Joker.

One way I judge a good performance is when someone completely convinces me they are that character. To the point that I forget that I'm watching an actor. Particularly when they are very famous or a personal favourite. Ledger did this.

To be fair, I would probably have not liked the film quite as much had he not played the role. Of course, how can you know when another actor may have done it just as well but with a different interpretation? But I do know he was the highlight of the film for me.

As for the rest of it ... in all honesty, it probably could have been better. It was clearly more of a film about the Joker than it was about Batman. Granted, it was also a major set up for the creation of Two-Face and thus a possible third film.

Which brings me to Harvey Dent. For someone who is supposed to be the saviour he seems kind of bland. Even as Two-Face, Eckhart doesn't really seem to be putting his all into it. Maybe he was going for a more subtle approach? Maybe everyone is subtle when compared to Ledger in this film. He just didn't completely convince me in either role. Although the Two-Face special effects? Fantastic.

Maggie Gyllenhaal. One of my wives. Not really much point in her being in it except for one particular scene. Other than that ... Rachel just kind of drifts through the film, just waiting for the one reason she is in the movie.

And funny. The film is funny. There's two scenes, both with Ledger (one around the beginning and another about 3/4 of the way through) which are just funny. That's the thing about the Joker. He's completely psychotic, yet you can't help but find things to like about him, even if it is is sense of humour.

Michael Caine, Morgan Freeman, Gary Oldman (and even Cillian Murphy - albeit briefly) reprise their roles. As does Christian Bale, obviously.

Despite it's faults, a thoroughly enjoyable film. It's not often I'd be willing to go and see a movie at the cinema for a second time, but this is one of those times.

I believe whatever doesn't kill you simply makes you... stranger

Music to bond by

I, um, overheard the following exchange* on MSN earlier this morning:

Person #1: And don't even think about asking about Radiohead.

Person #2: I won't because I FUCKING HATE RADIOHEAD!

#1: THANK GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

#2: Hahha

#1: FINALLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

#2: AT LAST!!!!!!!!!!!! I thought I was the only one who hated them!

#1: I think we're the only people in teh world!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111!!!!!!!!!!!!1!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

#2: What's so fucking special about them!

#1: You listen to the entire album and not only do you fall asleep, all the fucking songs sound the fucking same.

#2: EXACTLY! And they're such miserable bastards too. Whatsisname, the lead singer, i want to punch him in the teeth.

#1: I'd rather listen to Tina Arena, Mariah Carey and Celine Dion on constant rotation than listen to them.

#2: Exactly! I HATE RADIOHEAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I cannot stress that enough

Have Bron & I people no shame???




*may be edited so poor spelling (due to outrage) is corrected. Excessive use of exclamation points however were as you see.

And now I can't sleep

So I'll torture you with the latest Myers-Briggs test.

No matter how many versions of this test I do, I always end up the same:

Urg

As predicted, the mood has dropped. Happened about lunch time today.

Since then, I've basically been feeling like what it says in the pic above. Everyone can go to hell. It should lift in a few days.

That is all.



(Although, I did see The Dark Knight tonight. Will tell you a bit more about it when I'm actually in the right frame of mind. In the meantime - it was really good.)

Joss Whedon is my ... well, you know this

OK, so you know this already.

But one can never have too much Joss. There is no such thing. I bring you his latest genius:



Dr Horrible is free online for a short period of time. Then it will apparently be released on DVD.

You can read about it here.

And watch the first of the three episodes here.

Plus, you know, Nathan Fillion. And Neil Patrick Harris is just funny.

But be quick! It's only available until Sunday night. Oh, and don't bother trying to download it from iTunes if you aren't in the US - it's not available. Bastards.

And don't forget Dr Horrible's nemesis - Capt Hammer.

Meanwhile, I'm sure I saw an advert for Dollhouse on tele a few weeks back. Wheeeeeeeee!!!!!

Wanker of the week

Gerard Henderson seems to think that just because someone is from a religious organisation they deserve our respect. Even when that person, or that organisation, hasn't done much to warrant it.

Of course, it's the atheists and the lefties that are to blame.

The sneering secularists in our midst oppose all the Judeo-Christian beliefs. However, Catholicism cops much of the ridicule because it is universal and the strongest of the Christian faiths. In Australia the sneering secularists - a combination of proselytising atheists and Green Left Weekly reading leftists - have indicated their opposition to the Pope on the occasion of his visit to Australia for World Youth Day. Hence the formation of the NoToPope Coalition.

World Youth Day is a misnomer. It is a Catholic celebration. While Catholicism may be one of, if not the, largest Christian religions it by no means encompasses everyone.

I am a lefty. I am not a subscriber to any mainstream religion. I don't really have a problem with the Pope coming to Australia.

• I do have a problem with the NSW and Federal governments providing funding and support to what is unarguably the most wealthy organisation in the world.

• I do have a problem with the NSW government (attempting) to restrict free speech so as not to offend the visiting "pilgrims".

• I do have a problem with the practices of the Catholic Church.

• I do have a problem with such a large and influential organisation telling people that they unworthy if they don't subscribe to some pretty narrow-minded beliefs.

• I do have a problem with hypocrites.

• I do have a problem with misogyny, homophobia, racism, the suppression of free speech and sexual abuse.

There is no denying that the Church does a hell of a lot of good. But they have hurt a hell of a lot of people too.

But, according to Gerard Henderson, it (specifically George Pell) is being unfairly treated by the ABC because they are highlighting the Cardinal's inaction regarding known sexual abuse by a priest. These things should be swept under the carpet then?

I don't have a problem with Catholics. Know quite a few of them - am friends with, and related to, practising Catholics. And there are plenty of priests and nuns who have nothing but good to give and whose motivations are pure. But I do have a problem with the organisation in general and who represents that organisation? The Pope.

Instead of whinging about how the lefties and the ABC are beating up on the Pope, Gerard Henderson needs take off the blinkers and realise that they are taking aim at the Church through the most visible representative. Just how I would expect criticism of Australia to be directed towards Kevin Rudd, given that he is our most visible representative. (Oh please, you know Lizzy and the GG don't count.)

No organisation is beyond reproach Gerard. Not even the almighty Church. You'd see that if you weren't so hell-bent on blaming opinions contrary to yours on "atheists and leftists".

I dub thee - Wanker of the Week.

When is rape not a serious crime?

A Victorian study shows that many police officers, nurses, doctors and even ministers actively discourage women from reporting rape by their domestic partners. (H/T)

While they believe it is a serious crime, they wouldn't recommend reporting it. The reasoning? The negative treatment they will receive by the court and the long battle to get justice.

They cited as reasons "the disrespectful and damaging treatment of women in court", difficulty in proving it, and long waits before cases got to court.

Silence makes rape acceptable. Do we really want to regress back to when wives were considered the property of their husbands and thus to be treated as the man saw fit? Yes, it is still an acceptable belief in some cultures but that doesn't mean it is right.

Women deserve better.

Men deserve better.

Society deserves better.

According to the Australian Centre for the Study of Sexual Assault , as of 2006 16-20% of reported sexual assault and rape occurs to men (source - PDF). And these are the reported stats. While it is commonplace to understand that women are raped, it is difficult for many to see that men can be too. If women remain silent about their sexual abuse, how can we encourage men to report their rape when there is an even greater stigma surrounding it for them?

Violence of any kind against anyone is wrong. There should be adequate punishment for anyone who is found guilty. If people do not report abuse the abuser will do it again. And again. And again. Until they are stopped.

Just because you are in a relationship it does not mean you cannot be raped. Rape occurs when you are forced to have sex against your will. This means you must consent every time. A marriage certificate is not tacit consent to sex. Nor is a de-facto partnership or a previous sexual relationship or encounter.

Rape is not inconsequential.

"There were several accounts of police trying to dissuade women who had gone to them for help from taking action ... and suggesting the complaint was trivial," the report said.

The researchers from Women's Health Goulburn North East and Upper Murray Centre Against Sexual Assault interviewed 21 partner rape victims from the Goulburn Valley and northeast Victoria, and scores of police and health professionals.

The study, to be released today, found the men believed it was their right to do what they liked with their partner and that society often trivialised partner rape, despite it being a crime since 1985.

"One of the women went to her minister in her church, and he said, 'Go home and pray about it'," study co-author Debra Parkinson said.

"There was domestic violence as well and she said, 'What if he kills me?' And the minister said, 'Well, at least you'll go to heaven'."

Rape results in mental, physical and emotional distress. Sometimes lasting years, even a lifetime. While many people find solace in religion it is not an adequate response to assault. You cannot pray away the scars. It takes enormous courage for anyone to report abuse. To be effectively told that it is of little use to report it doesn't help the victim. If anything, it exacerbates the problem and could even be seen as providing succour to the one doing the victimising.

I am incredibly fortunate in that I've never been raped or abused. But I would like to think that I would be strong enough to report it should it happen. And that anyone I turned to for help would do just that - help. Not dissuade me from taking action.

Book I wanted to throw across the room

God, this was an awful book.

Not the subject matter. The subject matter was interesting. It was the writing. The writing was horrendous.

It was poorly written.

It could have done with some heavy editing.

It would have been half the size if everything wasn't constantly repeated as though you couldn't remember what you'd read in the previous chapters.

The authors have clear views of their own importance in the story. Do I care that they have had brief encounters with various players in the story? No I do not. It doesn't make me think they have an "inside" edge over anyone else who has written about the subject - but it seems to me they want you to think that.

They refer to their own books - without clarifying that they were written by them - as, "seminal work" (Underbelly 8) and a "most excellent book" (Leadbelly - Inside Australia's Underworld Wars). *eyeroll*

The corny lines just shit me to tears. On a police officer (Ben Archbold) who resigned and ended up appearing on Big Brother: "He was evicted, therefore failing to win the Archbold prize." That's the only one I can find, but trust me there are plenty. To the point you just wish they'd stop being so fucking trite.

You could tell it was written by journalists.

I could really go on but I don't want to waste any more brainpower or time on this than I have already. Do yourself a favour and just go rent Underbelly instead. (Which reminds me. The photos in the book have photos of the people spoken about but then has the actor who portrayed them in the show! Like that's even fucking relevant!)

And so it begins

That being the official WYD celebrations. Sigh.

For the record, the only Catholic priest I'd have any interest in meeting is:


In other news, the "annoyance" part of the ridiculous law the NSW Government passed in relation to WYD has been lambasted by the Federal Court:

The judges said that the interpretation of clause 7.1 of the act, which allowed regulation of conduct deemed to be a cause of "annoyance", was invalid because it "affects freedom of speech in a way that, in our opinion, is not supported by the statutory powers".

There was "no intelligible boundary" on what "causes annoyance".

The regulation relating to annoyance "could be expected to have a chilling effect upon the exercise of their freedom of speech because of the very uncertainty about the degree of its infringement upon that freedom", they said.

SMH

What are you doing still reading this? Shouldn't you be off copulating for the Catholics? Populate or Pellish!*


UPDATE:

*apologies to Lord Sedgwick - and here I thought I was being clever. Possibly, but a bit too far behind in the game apparently.

Feeling poorly. Still. Again. Whatever.

I'm so fucking over this. Seriously.

I was starting to feel pretty damn good by the end of last week, then Sunday happened and blew it all to hell.

Went back to the doc today. He's concerned enough to insist on a second round of antibiotics. I'm still not too pleased that I had to take the first lot and I don't consider myself sick enough to take a second, so I'm holding off until tomorrow before buying them.

Sigh.

Fucking. Over. It.

No work until Thursday, reading and DVD viewing will occur until then. Also, must tell you guys about another book that I DO NOT recommend. That will happen sometime today I hope.

So, I've seen it

So, today I accidentally watched the final 7 episodes of series 4 of Doctor Who.

Can I just say, the last two episodes are fangirl (and fanboy) wet dreams. Although I was disappointed with the very end. But that's just me. But something that I have been wanting to happen for the last 4 series' finally happened! Much happy in our lounge room earlier tonight.

Another thing - kind of annoying that as Australian stations have yet to show series 2 of Torchwood and series 1 of The Sarah Jane Adventures, there are some spoilery moments. But I don't think it would ruin your watching of the episodes.

Tennant isn't available for an entire series next year, but fear not! The expected Christmas ep will occur this year and I believe there are 4 specials lined up, and then it will return in series form in 2010.

Squee!

SFU is one of my all-time favourite shows. Imagine my happy when I found out that a tv series was being made of a vampire book series that I read. Then combine that with today's discovery that that very same show is being made by the people who bought you SFU. Pure joy, I tell you. I know. It doesn't take much.

Is that a bat in your bra, or are you just happy to see me?

A teenager was stunned to find that a baby bat had been curled up inside her bra for five hours - as she was wearing it.

Abbie Hawkins, a hotel receptionist, thought her mobile phone was ringing when she felt vibrations coming from her clothes.

source

I know that happens to me all the time.

h/t

OMG! Man in his 40s, under stress, going grey!!!!11!!!1!!

Oh noes!!!11!!

Please. I stated noticing a few grey hairs a few weeks after my 30th birthday. And I'm not under the stress Obama is under. Unless you count that I was not freaked out by turning 30 but I was by finding the grey. It appears to have stopped now, so I didn't even get the two grey streaks I was hoping for once I calmed down.

BB: no one is watching

Couldn't have happened to a nicer television show:

BIG BROTHER, the controversial, youth-friendly reality TV franchise, has become a casualty of television's cruellest cut - at eight years old it is too old for the Ten Network.

Ten's chief programmer, David Mott, told the Herald the series, which has struggled with "audience erosion", and media criticism of its new hosts, Kyle Sandilands and Jackie O'Neil, would be the last because it was no longer able to surprise. "The audience know how it works, the housemates know how it works," he said.

SMH

That doesn't mean it is gone from our screens forever though:

The show, which costs Ten about $25 million a year, will be put on the market by the production company Southern Star Endemol after it wraps up on July 21. Potential buyers include Seven and Nine, who are waging their bloodiest ratings war yet, or the pay TV operator Foxtel.

Bloody ratings war? Right. Most of it involves TT and ACA bitch-slapping each other on a weekly basis.

Meanwhile, if you're wanting to hold a function for work AND keep an eye on your employees at the same time - you can always rent the BB compound.

And then we have Kyle Sandilands. Apparently he is happy that the show won't be back. Nice and professional - just what we've come to expect from him.

I won't be missing the show. I just hope it goes to pay tv so I won't be subjected to it on free-to-air stations. Maybe now we can have some interesting shows instead - and not just more reality stuff (unless it is SYTYCD!)

Wild geese that fly with the moon on their wings

What happens when you cross one of the songs from Wicked with Captain Jack?

Well, first you need to hear the original song. The Wizard and I, as sung by the fabulous Kerry Ellis:



The lyrics are below for your enjoyment:

Did that really just happen?
Have I actually understood?
This weird quirk I've tried to suppress or hide
Is a talent that could
Help me meet the Wizard
If I make good
So I'll make good...

When I meet the Wizard
Once I prove my worth
When I meet the Wizard
What I've waited for since...since birth!
And with all his Wizard wisdom
By my looks, he won't be blinded
Do you think the Wizard is... dumb?
Or like Munchkins, so small-minded?
No! He'll say to me: "I see who you truly are
A girl on whom I can rely!"
And that's how we'll begin
The Wizard and I...

Once I'm with the Wizard
My whole life will change
'Cuz once you're with the Wizard
No one thinks you're strange
No father is not proud of you
No sister acts ashamed
And all of Oz has to love you
When by the Wizard, you're acclaimed
And this gift- or this curse-
I have inside
Maybe at last, I'll know why
As we work hand in hand-
The Wizard and I

And one day, he'll say to me: "Elphaba,
A girl who is so superior
Shouldn't a girl who's so good inside have a matching exterior?
And since folks here to an absurd degree seem fixated on your verdigris
Would it be all right by you if I de-greenify you?"

And though of course
That's not important to me
"All right, why not?" I'll reply
Oh, what a pair we'll be
The Wizard and I...
Yes, what a pair we'll be
The Wizard and...

Unlimited
My future is unlimited
And I've just had a vision almost like a prophecy
I know- it sounds truly crazy
And true, the vision's hazy
But I swear, someday there'll be a celebration throughout Oz
That's all to do with me!

And I'll stand there with the Wizard
Feeling things I've never felt
And though I'd never show it
I'll be so happy, I could melt
And so it will be for the rest of my life
And I'll want nothing else 'til I die
Held in such high esteem
When people see me, they will scream
For half of Oz's fav'rite team:
The Wizard and I!

And then you go here and listen to John Barrowman sing The Doctor and I.

Amusing.

Far be it from me

to deny Krypto a look at my fun bags:


As with all fun bags they don't match and aren't exactly what you expect, but at least they're the same colour. Plus, there may be some spares laying around that are not currently in use.

For those of you who have to suffer the harsh winter climate - fun bags for when it is cold:

Tits!

So, Shish and I are, um, researching John Barrowman's filmography for, um, evidence of his ... masculine self. Hoping to find another list like the DT one found earlier.

So I decided to pop on over to YouTube (apparently, JB get's his willy out in pretty much everything he commits to film so surely there has to be some YT evidence?)

While I've not found any so far (alas), I did find this:

Sit On Your Arse Saturday

This edition of Sit On Your Arse Saturday is bought to you by the movies Hancock and Get Smart.

Lesson #1

Don't go into Google Images (with SafeSearch off) and accidentally type in "Handcock" when wanting to find a film related pic. While if I had consciously done this, it wouldn't have affected me, but unconsciously ... well, I got momentarily confused. (Besides, guys of hotstudsweb.com? Tantalising as those images may be, I've seen better.)

Lesson #2

Don't even bother trying to avoid the "twist" before seeing the film. 'Cause you'll work it out before it even occurs.

Lesson #3

Don't somehow manage to avoid finding out that Charlize Theron is in the film until she walks onto screen and you have to force yourself to remain in the cinema seat.

I really don't like CT. She just shits me to tears. Whenever I see her I just want to slap her. Possibly because I've never met a white South-African I've liked. That's the only reason I can think of for having such an intense dislike for her. Even the fact she's the current partner of one of my husbands (Stuart Townsend) isn't a legitimate reason to feel this way. (I did quite like her stint in Arrested Development. That was funny. But if it had been a lesser show, I probably would have skipped the episodes she was in. Actually, that inspired me to refer to one of the girls at work as "Mr F" because quite frankly, it explained so much. Hey, I never claimed to be mature about these things.)

Lesson #4

Jason Bateman is not in this film nearly enough.

Lesson #5

While not a bad flick per se - I've seen much worse - was it worth the money I paid to see it? Hell no. A definite DVD job. But still, reasonably enjoyable. Not what I expected.

OK, the best bits of this film:

Anne Hathaway

The Rock

Anne Hathaway

Masi Oka

Ummm.... Did I mention Anne Hathaway?

I really should have listened to Prophet. But hey, at least I stayed until the end! I think I only laughed twice. Once when Terrence Stamp delivered a line about Hollywood actors and their political opinions (I was the only one in the cinema who laughed at that) and the other time ... well I can't even remember. But I'm pretty sure it happened.

Meanwhile, everyone else in the cinema was laughing their arse off. Have our standards really dropped that much? Or do I just have a big ol' pole up my arse? I'm certain Don Adams is rolling over in his grave.

Already there is a sequel.

Interweb goodness

Keri, EC and I (and anyone else who is so inclined - Trace for one) must now bow down to the almighty Shish who discovered a list which advises when the glorious Mr Tennant gets nekkid in shows/films.

Who said the internet isn't useful or educational?

Oh and Bron?

Peh

I think that sums up my current mood.

I'm in one of those funks where you want to watch something on tele but despite the fact that you have numerous DVDs in your possession, not a single one appeals.

You're randomly traipsing around the interwebs trying to find a distraction that lasts more than a few minutes. Nothing.

You don't feel like reading.

No one is on MSN. Apparently they all have lives.

You suspect that you'd feel much better if only you could have a hot shower but the building hot water still has to heat up after being fixed earlier tonight.

You can't be bothered getting up and going to bed 'cause you don't go to bed before 11 on a Friday! It just isn't done!

Meh.

Isaidmeh!

Wicked - part 2

G has written a post (finally!) in which he talks about the show - check it out here.

Alice

I was going through one of my desk drawers today at work when I found some Dilbert cartoons that I had kept.

Funnily enough, pretty much all of them feature Alice. I love Alice. Probably 'cause I can relate to her lack of tolerance of stupidity. Still, it sometimes disturbs me how much I can relate to her.

Anyway, here they are:

Sex contract

This was in the news last week but I've hardly heard anything about it.

A north Brisbane couple have been sentenced to jail this afternoon, after a court heard about how they made a pregnancy pact to inseminate their 15-year-old daughter after bearing two biological children with congenital diseases.

The 35-year-old stepfather received an eight-year prison term. He already has served 164 days in pre-sentence custody.

The girl's 39-year-old mother was sentenced to six months' jail and three months' probation.

The couple, who cannot be identified under Queensland law, penned a handwritten "contract" with the girl, before the man began having daily sex with her over two-and-a-half months in late 2006.

SMH

What I find utterly astounding is the small sentence of the mother. She pimped her daughter out for her own gain and she effectively get a slap on the wrist. I find the whole thing utterly disgusting.

Prosecutors told the court the man had begun sexually abusing the girl from the age of 12.

Three years later, the court heard the man and his wife, the girl's mother, struck a deal with the then-15-year-old that she would bear them a child because their two other biological children had been born with genetic defects.

They wrote the pact in a notebook and tried for several weeks to impregnate the girl using the man's sperm, which he had masturbated into a syringe.

When the method failed, however, prosecutors said the man began having sexual intercourse with his stepdaughter up to three times a day.

The couple were eventually arrested in August 2006 after the girl confided in the family of a friend who encouraged her to go to the police.

As he was being arrested, the man indignantly declared: "Did you not see the f---ing contract?"

What can you say? I mean, WTF?

It was raining in the theatre. I swear.

OK, the real reason for heading to Melbourne was not to make me fall desperately in love with the city, but to go see Wicked.

We went to a preview performance - not that that makes any difference to the level of enjoyment.

The verdict?

Oh.


My.


God.


To say I adored it would be a massive understatement.

Massive. Understatement.

I'm still kind of speechless. It was awesome.

Earlier that day, G looked at his watch and announced, "Four and half hours to go." I must admit I'd been trying not to think about it since it would make time appear to slow.

In the theatre (squee!) he again looked at his watch and said, "Seventeen minutes to go." I was pretty much useless by this point. As demonstrated by the photo I surreptitiously took of the stage:


Stupidly blurry. Clearly I was shaking. Gah!

Anyway, as soon as the music started and the curtain went up, it started raining on my face. No, they weren't tears and anyone who tells you otherwise is a filthy liar! And it continued raining throughout the entire show.

For the uninitiated, Wicked is the story of the Wicked Witch of the West (Elphaba) and Glinda the Good. Most of the story takes place before Dorothy landed and melted the WWotW. I'm not going to tell you any more than that. If you want to know the story, look it up on Wiki.

Now, as you know, I was familiar with not only the story but with another performance - that of Kerry Ellis and co in West End. That DVD has been getting a bit of a workout over the past few months, as has the Broadway soundtrack.

I have a special place in my heart for this performance. Ellis is just phenomenal. Fuck it, the whole damn thing is. I must admit to being a bit worried that the Australian cast would not live up to my expectations (except maybe Maggie Kirkpatrick!). I needn't have worried. Maggie Kirkpatrick was even channelling a bit of The Freak in parts (but not in an inappropriate way) - which was utterly fabulous and gave Madame Morrible that little bit extra. When I initially heard that Rob Mills was going to play Fiero, I was a bit dubious but I figured I'd be open minded about the whole thing. And I'm glad I was. Don't listen to people who tell you that he and Anthony Callea (Boq) aren't any good. They are. Even G, who is a massive snob about his musical theatre, thought they were great.

To be honest I'm still incapable of really stringing words together sensibly when talking about it.

The costumes, the music, the everything. Fabulous.

Go see it. If I lived in Melbourne I'd probably try to see it every month. Hell, I've already planned at least two more trips to see it.

Best. Present. Ever.

One of the Emerald City costumes

I love Melbourne!

I also love that according to The Age the minimum is higher than the actual temp - as seen in the screen capture above.

I love that I have another excuse to bang on about Melbourne.

Did I mention that I love Melbourne?

OMG! Another woman gives birth!

Remember how the MSM were utterly beside themselves when Cate Blanchett recently gave birth to her third child? Well, now they're practically orgasmic over Nicole Kidman's new daughter, Sunday Roast.

But what really gets to me is this:

(from yahoo! earlier today)

Apparently Isabella and Connor, Kidman's children with everyone's favourite cult nutbag Tom Cruise, don't count as her children since they were adopted. But now with the Kidman-Urban sprog Nicole is finally a mother.

I'm not a lesbian

I adore Melbourne

So, I headed to Melbourne for the weekend with G and B. The reason for the trip was to go to a performance of Wicked. I'll do a post on that sometime in the next few days.

Anyway, I was a Melbourne virgin when we hit the tarmac on Saturday morning. Now, I find trams old hat and can find my way around the city pretty well.

First impression - not as cold as I expected. I was dreading this aspect of the trip. But even at night it was pretty reasonable. At least, walking from the hotel to/from restaurants and the theatre wasn't the nightmare of bone-chilling cold I envisaged. Of course, Melbourne hasn't really hit the coldest days of the year yet so it was a false first impression. Still, I'm glad it was quite pleasant.

I didn't take nearly as many photos as I expected. Mostly because I was so happy to be there I didn't think to pull the camera out of the bag when I should have. So, not too many photos :-(

I did take some though (click to enlarge).

Could you afford to buy everything in David Jones? I'd say your chances run along the lines of Buckley and Nunn

Above and below - inside a section of the Queen Victoria Market

Looking down Burke Street mall

Arse end of Flinders Street Station

Also had lunch in a little place along Lygon Street; duck at Quanjude (Queen Street) one night (both places are highly recommended). Mostly we walked, l