Overheard

Ring ring...

"Hello?"

"Brenny! How are you going?" *sniff*

"I'm fine. You don't sound fine. Are you sniffing? You know I'm a doctor and I can help with that."

*sniff* "No, I'm fine. Just some female troubles is all." *sniff sniff*

"OK then. But you know I'm a doctor so I can help you."

*sniff* "Thanks Brenny. Listen, I was ringing about this blog I found."

"........"

"I was sitting at home last night, surfing the intertubes for some new chairs, when I stumbled across a blog called Magic Bellybutton."

*sniiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiif*

"Really? That's not possible. Bellybuttons cannot be magic. I should know, 'cause I'm a doctor."

"I think it is just a nickname. Anyway, would you believe she doesn't like you?" *sniff* "And she picked on me!"

"How can she not like me? I just did a trip around Australia showing how much I sympathise with the common people when it comes to filling up their car with petrol or getting the shopping done! Has she lost her house? Is she blaming me? How did you find this blog?"

"Well, I was doing a search for 'satan magic lust fucking sex'..."

*interrupting* "Ahh yes. Good times, good times. The party room used to be so much fun when Janette was around."

"I know! The," *sniiiiiiff* "memories." *sniff*

"What else did she say about me? Does she not know I'm a doctor?"

"I dunno, I didn't sniff around long enough to find out. But then, when I was looking to see if a cat made an appearance in the new St Trinians film, I Googled 'st trinians pussy' and there she was again! Those lefties are insidious!"

"Stole the bloody election they did! Fucking Commies."

"And no sense of humour! I think she's one of those femmo-lesbian latte-left types."

"........"

"Hello?"

"Yes, yes, I'm here. Maybe the femmo-lesbian latte-lefties don't have mortgages and cars so that's why I couldn't reach her. But they do need doctors. And I presume they buy groceries..."

*sniff*

"Look, Troy. Don't be upset! I'm sure if she understood I was a doctor, everything would be fine."

"........"

"Troy? Hello? Are you there? I'm a doctor, I can help."

"Ah, yes, gotta go. I'm in a shop and I just saw this awesome chair that this woman just vacated. I need to go check it out."

*sniff*

"Bye!"

"Uh, bye."

"...groceries..."

"...petrol..."

"...housing affordability."

"I'm a Doctor!!!!!!"